CYFAR 2008 Workshop

From Extension Collaborative Wiki

A Day in the Life Of Parents Raising Children & Teens

CYFAR Conferences 2008

CYFERnet Parent/Family Editorial Team Recommended Resources

Initial CYFERnet Pathway • Positive Youth Development (cyfernet.org--> teensYouth Development-General) • Healthy Development • Multiculturalism and Diversity

Family Support and Connectedness Guiding Your Teenager (NC- DeBord) MP3 - http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/Podcasts/secrets-3.mp3 Transcript http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/Podcasts/secrets-trans-3.pdf Guidance with Television and Videos (NC, DeBord) MP3 - http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/Podcasts/secrets-3.mp3 Transcript - http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/Podcasts/secrets-trans-3.pdf Parenting teens guidesheet (NC, DeBord) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs422.pdf Building a Relationship with your teen (NC, DeBord) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs518-04.pdf

Family Mealtime – Recorded training (NC, ID – DeBord, Jones, Petty) http://www.cyfernet.org/interactrain/whatsfordinner.html

Reclaiming the Family Table (IL, Wiley) http://parenting247.org/article.cfm?ContentID=597&strategy=2&AgeGroup=4

Family Table Topper (NC, DeBord & Jones) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/EFNEP/orderTableTopper.pdf

What Research Tells us about Family Meals (OH- Gallup, Syracuse, Olliveri) http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm03/FS04.pdf

Family Challenges The Effects of Divorce on Children (NC, DeBord) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs471.pdf

Parental Stress can spill over to the kids (NC, DeBord) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs518-06.pdf

Bullies (NC, DeBord) http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/bullies_s.pdf

School & Learning Approachs to Helping Middle and High School Students Learn (Parent Academy Resoruces) http://academicresources.org/learning.html

Teens & School Success (MN, Olsen) http://www.parenting.umn.edu/programs/familiesWithTeens/infoSeries/factSheets/school_success.pdf

Civic engagement Volunteering as a Family http://pbskids.org/zoom/grownups/action/families.html

Teens as Volunteers (Child Trends fact sheet) http://www.childtrends.org/Files/Child_Trends-2006_12_06_FS_Teen_Volun.pdf

Learning to Give http://www.learningtogive.org/

Supporting Latino Volunteers (OR, Hobbs) http://oregon.4h.oregonstate.edu/oregonoutreach/volunteer_dev/recruiting_1.html

Teens & Work Clarifying the World of Work for our Youth (CA- Bryant, Zvonkovic, Raskauskas, Peters) http://cyd.ucdavis.edu/publications/pubs/focus/pdf/MO04V9N1.pdf

Curfews MV Parents.com idea databank (Search Institute) http://www.mvparents.com/

Driving Helping your Teen Become a Safe Driver (American Academy of Pediatrics) http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/helping_your_teen_become_a_safe_driver

Sex, Drugs and Alcohol Teen Talk Fact Sheet Series (MN, Dworkin) http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/DE8478.html

Talking with Your Teen about Sex (AL, Kerpelman) http://www.aces.edu/pubs/docs/H/HE-0783/HE-0783.pdf

A Day in the Life or Adolescents:Substance Use Facts -SAMHSA, 2007 http://oas.samhsa.gov/2k7/youthFacts/youth.htm

Start Talking before they Start Drinking- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Human Services Administration (SAMHSA) http://www.family.samhsa.gov/stop/talk.aspx

Helping Youth Succeed: What we all can do to prevent Adolescent Substance Abuse (UT-Lee, Dennis) http://extension.usu.edu/files/fampubs/youth1.pdf

Raising Teens: A Synthesis of Research (R. Simpson, Harvard) http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/chc/parenting/report.pdf

Gangs The Miracle Garden (AZ) http://ag.arizona.edu/maricopa/garden/html/youth/miracle.htm

Presenters: Karen DeBord, Ph.D. Professor & Extension Specialist, North Carolina Cooperative Extension Karen_debord@ncsu.edu

Finding a Way through the Maze: A Day in the Life of Parents Raising Teenagers

What time did you get up today?

• 6:40 am • 6:25 am: we have one bathroom and 5 people need to shower • 8am: I need to be at school at 8:15, I just go • 5:15am: I work after school and I do my homework in the am • 6:30: I go to weight lifting in the morning • Drop out youth responded: I get up around 2pm, there is nothing to do anyhow.

Is it hard to wake up in the mornings?

• YES YES YES YES YES

Why?

• We stay up late, • We need more sleep • Not tired until late • What gets me going in the morning? • Music • Shower • Coach motivating me • My mom yells really load to wake me up

What do you eat for breakfast before going to school?

• Nothing , Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, Nothing • Cereal Bars • Cereal • Most eat breakfast at school during study hall • Breakfast at school is free

What are your favorite foods?

• Pizza, chicken, burritos, apples, home cooked meals, chips, ice cream, my grandmas food, noodles, candy, cheese, Swedish fish, mountain dew

What do you eat that is healthiest for you?

• Apples, celery, pizza, rice and beans

How often do you and your family sit down at the table to eat together?

• Never • Never • Never • Every night • 3 x’s a week • Not together, but in the same house- some at tv, some at computer, some in kitchen, we only have 4 chairs and 6 kids, so we cannot eat at the same time

What does your family do together?

• Nothing • Church • Vacation • Watch sports • Watch TV • We live together

Who did you talk to as you left your house today? • No one • No one • God • My mom but she was asleep • Said bye to my brother • Said bye to the cat

How do you remember everything you need to do—like homework assignments, meetings or appointments?

• Friends remind me • My mom • Planner/School organizer • Write notes in my cell phone

Does it bother you to have someone remind you about things you need to do?

• Sometimes • No- I like when people remind me • Sometimes, if they remind me like I am a child it bothers me

Who does the reminding?

• Mom • Siblings • AIM – computer • Friends

Have you ever thought about going for counseling to help you cope with things happening in life?

• No • Yes • No • I am currently in counseling

How do you spend your time after school?

• Programs • Girlfriends house • Probation • Sleep • Sports • Job • TV

What do you and your parents disagree about most often? (topics/subjects)

• Clothing choices • Everything • Money • Step Parents • Boys • Grades and Homework • Language (swearing) • My attitude

How do you and your parents resolve disagreements? • Go to my room • Don’t talk till we forget about it • Shut down • Call my boyfriend

How do you manage your money?

• Have no money to manage • Pay for my cell phone • Clothes • Buy food (Cold Stone Creamery, Subway)

What have you learned about handling money from your parents? (saving, budgeting, etc.)

• Credit cards are bad • How to make ends meet • How to make $10 feed a lot of kids • How to save it – my dad is cheap

What was it like when you first started to drive?

• Caused problems • A LOT of yelling • My mom was paranoid • Felt like everybody thought I would kill them

When is your curfew?

• School days – midnight, no curfew n weekends • When the streetlights come on • Right after school or sports • I just have to call if I am not coming home • No curfew • Midnight • 2 a.m. • Depends what I am doing

How prevalent are drugs and gangs where you live?

• Very prevalent • People get killed on my street • Lots of druggies • I live in the projects – that’s the drug- jects all drugs all the time

How to deal? (How do you cope with that?)

• Show no fear • I know who they really are, so they don’t mess with me or I will blow up their spot • I pretend I am cool with them, and then just go inside • I do not hang out in the neighborhood where I live

What are you doing to prepare for your future?

• Going to college • Getting a job • Saving money

What do you think of when you think of your parents?

• They boss us around • No trust • Always mad at me • Love • Shopping • Older • Pretty Cool

This last question was added by the teens:

If you could give advice to parents raising teens today what would it be?

• Don’t yell please don’t yell. • We are teenagers, but we are people too, please don’t talk down to us. • If we can’t have our boyfriend sleep over, then why can you? • We have a lot of stress, please get off our backs. • Grades are not life and death. • We are busy, school, sports, homework, after school job and chores, but when we say we are tired, parents say that they worked hard all day, what do they think we are doing? We are busier than they are! • Don’t worry so much, we are not dumb. • When I am 18 I can do what I want so you might as well let me get a tattoo now.